This is my story:
The reason behind my blog is to begin to journal my struggles with anxiety and depression. I've always enjoyed writing and figured that i can start to share my experiences with others and vice-versa. There are tons and tons of material to read and learn about anxiety but hearing it from someone else can sometimes make it just that much better.... to realize that you are not alone.
Where do i start? I'll give you a little background on myself. I'm a young adult, as my parents like to call it, 21 year old male living on the East Coast. People would easily describe me as funny, charming, charismatic, helpful, caring, kind hearted, good-willed, easy going, laid back, calm, and easy to get along with. I was always the class clown and enjoyed making people laugh and generally have a good time regardless of the situation. All throughout high school I generally had a good time and lived my life to the fullest. I did smoke a little pot...actually quite a bit of pot that led me to my first dosage of anxiety and let me tell you its 100x worse when you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Eventually I stopped smoking as I did not enjoy it as much once i started having anxiety every single time i smoked. Even after i stopped smoking I would get an occasional anxiety attack out of nowhere but it was something i could control since i thought nothing of it.
Fast forward to this year. I was doing some work on my computer at about 10PM, everyone at home is already asleep, and out of nowhere this sudden fear rushes over me and I immediately get up and run upstairs to get my parents since i felt like my heart was about to come out of my chest. They told me to go lay down and relax and I did but when i got into my bed i felt as if I wasn't tired and I needed to get up and go do something like run or something but i just did not want to lay down. Got back up and my mom came and spoke to me for about an hour until i finally relaxed and fell asleep. This was my first big anxiety/panic attack and for the first time I had felt like i was going crazy or something it was truly a weird experience.
The next morning I felt a bit nervous about everything because I was scared of having another anxiety attack. I didn't want to go to work, didn't want to do anything but stay at home. Eventually I did get out to work and had an alright day. A few days later i was home in the afternoon browsing the computer and again I get this sudden rush over me but this time I felt as if i was going to pass out and I was home alone this time. I quickly jumped in my car and drove to some family's house close by where I was able to lay down and try to calm myself, eventually I took a quick nap and had some work to finish up so I headed back home. These were probably the worst panic attacks I've had thus far. The uncertainty, fear, dizziness, adrenaline is overwhelming its like you don't know what the hell do with yourself.
Over the course of the next few weeks I had very light anxiety attacks and tried to control them as best as I could since most of the time I would be alone when i had my attacks. Normally I am very optimistic about life in general but after my first two major attacks there were some days in there where I just felt depressed. I was scared about the future, didn't know what to do and for the first time in my life I felt lost. That's the best way I can describe it because I just did not feel very hopeful about my life in general and I spent most of my time at home if i wasn't at work.
Things Got Better
Luckily when i started having these bad anxiety attacks I had a vacation planned at the beginning of the next month which couldn't have come at a better time. I was able to spend time with my family all of whom have been extremely supportive throughout this whole ordeal. Especially my mom since she herself suffered with anxiety for many years. My mom has been the one I would talk to when i was unsure or scared and she would tell me that she knows exactly how I feel. My grandmother was also there ANYTIME i needed here I could simply dial her number and we would chat for hours. It got so good that I called my grandmother daily, even if I was having a good day.
Since returning from my vacation my anxiety for the most part has been pretty good. I had scheduled a bunch of tests from the doctor, just to make sure my general health was in good condition and these attacks weren't brought on by any conditions. All results came out really well (blood work, stress test, and heart test) which help put my mind to ease. I'm slowly generally getting back to my normal self again, sometimes I do feel like I'm going to relapse, which makes me nervous, but we'll touch more on that topic tomorrow.
What Works for me
Throughout my whole experience thus far I've made a list of things that work for me and below I will go into more detail about each of them.
Reading: Reading is fundamental! No really reading is great and this is coming from someone who only reads when I need to write a paper or simply browsing through a magazine from time to time. I found that reading calms me down and I get involved in the book, even if I'm super anxious I begin to read aloud to myself until all my focus is brought upon the book. Try it! You can read about anything which is great. I've read books on religion, your mind, business, health, love. You'll find ones that you like. Currently I enjoy entrepreneur and small business books.
Work: ..not work! Believe it or not, as much as I hate my job sometimes, I enjoy working simply because it keeps me busy, both mentally and physically. That's a big step for me because a lot of times i found myself letting my mind wander when I was bored which led me to thinking all sorts of weird crap. When I'm not busy at work I now try and look for things to do so I'm pre-occupied. Imagine staying home all day, anxious and worried! That would suck, be glad you get out of your house!
Friends/Family: People who you are able to talk to, find comfort in, and enjoy spending time with. You don't necessarily have to share your anxiety stories with them but you can if you want to. Only my close family and one of my co-workers at work know that I suffer with anxiety. If you know me, you probably would have no idea. Someone whom I know at my job recently told me "Hey every time i see you, you're always smiling. That's a good thing" and in my mind i was thinking if they only knew sometimes what I go through. I try and go out with my good friends once or twice during the work week and once again on the weekends. It helps to go out and just chit chat and have a good time.
Do What You Love: This one's simple... Do things you love to do. I love to watch movies and Every weekend I try and watch a few movies, whether they're old classics or new hits. I love all things technology and I'm always looking up new techy products or digging in my computer trying to change something. I could go on and on. But find things that keep you busy.
My key point here is to keep your mind pre-occupied so you're not even thinking about anxiety! In honor of starting this blog I'm going to exercise daily by walking or jogging at least once a day. I hear exercising really helps, so I'm going to try it out and see for myself.
Even though things are better with my anxiety. My thoughts sometimes haunt me and I get this nervous feeling, not sure why. I will go into more detail about this tomorrow. I'm going to cut it short here as I've written enough. Please feel free to leave any feedback, questions, comments
The reason behind my blog is to begin to journal my struggles with anxiety and depression. I've always enjoyed writing and figured that i can start to share my experiences with others and vice-versa. There are tons and tons of material to read and learn about anxiety but hearing it from someone else can sometimes make it just that much better.... to realize that you are not alone.
Where do i start? I'll give you a little background on myself. I'm a young adult, as my parents like to call it, 21 year old male living on the East Coast. People would easily describe me as funny, charming, charismatic, helpful, caring, kind hearted, good-willed, easy going, laid back, calm, and easy to get along with. I was always the class clown and enjoyed making people laugh and generally have a good time regardless of the situation. All throughout high school I generally had a good time and lived my life to the fullest. I did smoke a little pot...actually quite a bit of pot that led me to my first dosage of anxiety and let me tell you its 100x worse when you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Eventually I stopped smoking as I did not enjoy it as much once i started having anxiety every single time i smoked. Even after i stopped smoking I would get an occasional anxiety attack out of nowhere but it was something i could control since i thought nothing of it.
Fast forward to this year. I was doing some work on my computer at about 10PM, everyone at home is already asleep, and out of nowhere this sudden fear rushes over me and I immediately get up and run upstairs to get my parents since i felt like my heart was about to come out of my chest. They told me to go lay down and relax and I did but when i got into my bed i felt as if I wasn't tired and I needed to get up and go do something like run or something but i just did not want to lay down. Got back up and my mom came and spoke to me for about an hour until i finally relaxed and fell asleep. This was my first big anxiety/panic attack and for the first time I had felt like i was going crazy or something it was truly a weird experience.
The next morning I felt a bit nervous about everything because I was scared of having another anxiety attack. I didn't want to go to work, didn't want to do anything but stay at home. Eventually I did get out to work and had an alright day. A few days later i was home in the afternoon browsing the computer and again I get this sudden rush over me but this time I felt as if i was going to pass out and I was home alone this time. I quickly jumped in my car and drove to some family's house close by where I was able to lay down and try to calm myself, eventually I took a quick nap and had some work to finish up so I headed back home. These were probably the worst panic attacks I've had thus far. The uncertainty, fear, dizziness, adrenaline is overwhelming its like you don't know what the hell do with yourself.
Over the course of the next few weeks I had very light anxiety attacks and tried to control them as best as I could since most of the time I would be alone when i had my attacks. Normally I am very optimistic about life in general but after my first two major attacks there were some days in there where I just felt depressed. I was scared about the future, didn't know what to do and for the first time in my life I felt lost. That's the best way I can describe it because I just did not feel very hopeful about my life in general and I spent most of my time at home if i wasn't at work.
Things Got Better
Luckily when i started having these bad anxiety attacks I had a vacation planned at the beginning of the next month which couldn't have come at a better time. I was able to spend time with my family all of whom have been extremely supportive throughout this whole ordeal. Especially my mom since she herself suffered with anxiety for many years. My mom has been the one I would talk to when i was unsure or scared and she would tell me that she knows exactly how I feel. My grandmother was also there ANYTIME i needed here I could simply dial her number and we would chat for hours. It got so good that I called my grandmother daily, even if I was having a good day.
Since returning from my vacation my anxiety for the most part has been pretty good. I had scheduled a bunch of tests from the doctor, just to make sure my general health was in good condition and these attacks weren't brought on by any conditions. All results came out really well (blood work, stress test, and heart test) which help put my mind to ease. I'm slowly generally getting back to my normal self again, sometimes I do feel like I'm going to relapse, which makes me nervous, but we'll touch more on that topic tomorrow.
What Works for me
Throughout my whole experience thus far I've made a list of things that work for me and below I will go into more detail about each of them.
Reading: Reading is fundamental! No really reading is great and this is coming from someone who only reads when I need to write a paper or simply browsing through a magazine from time to time. I found that reading calms me down and I get involved in the book, even if I'm super anxious I begin to read aloud to myself until all my focus is brought upon the book. Try it! You can read about anything which is great. I've read books on religion, your mind, business, health, love. You'll find ones that you like. Currently I enjoy entrepreneur and small business books.
Work: ..not work! Believe it or not, as much as I hate my job sometimes, I enjoy working simply because it keeps me busy, both mentally and physically. That's a big step for me because a lot of times i found myself letting my mind wander when I was bored which led me to thinking all sorts of weird crap. When I'm not busy at work I now try and look for things to do so I'm pre-occupied. Imagine staying home all day, anxious and worried! That would suck, be glad you get out of your house!
Friends/Family: People who you are able to talk to, find comfort in, and enjoy spending time with. You don't necessarily have to share your anxiety stories with them but you can if you want to. Only my close family and one of my co-workers at work know that I suffer with anxiety. If you know me, you probably would have no idea. Someone whom I know at my job recently told me "Hey every time i see you, you're always smiling. That's a good thing" and in my mind i was thinking if they only knew sometimes what I go through. I try and go out with my good friends once or twice during the work week and once again on the weekends. It helps to go out and just chit chat and have a good time.
Do What You Love: This one's simple... Do things you love to do. I love to watch movies and Every weekend I try and watch a few movies, whether they're old classics or new hits. I love all things technology and I'm always looking up new techy products or digging in my computer trying to change something. I could go on and on. But find things that keep you busy.
My key point here is to keep your mind pre-occupied so you're not even thinking about anxiety! In honor of starting this blog I'm going to exercise daily by walking or jogging at least once a day. I hear exercising really helps, so I'm going to try it out and see for myself.
Even though things are better with my anxiety. My thoughts sometimes haunt me and I get this nervous feeling, not sure why. I will go into more detail about this tomorrow. I'm going to cut it short here as I've written enough. Please feel free to leave any feedback, questions, comments
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